“Katie will be one of those people living in a hut in Africa
with her hair in a rag on top of her head & dancing around a campfire…”
That’s literally how my mom described me to a coworker of
ours one day. Yes, my mom & I work together. Yes, I actually really enjoy
it. No, that’s not what this post is about.
My future plans seem to always come up when I talk about
being in nursing school & graduating soon. The future is a hot topic for
everyone really. We all want to have a plan or something to work towards, so
it’s a natural progression in conversation.
When mom told me that the description above is what she told
the coworker asking about my post-grad plans, I couldn’t do much more than
smile. There are so many times in life (especially during my bad middle part,
flared jeans, teenaged angst phase) where I didn’t think my mom understood me.
But that description showed that she knows me way more than I give her credit
for. Don’t get carried away, now. There’s still a huge part of me that wants to
own that “Girl Misunderstood” area of my life…but this one can be known. In
fact, I want that to be known.
You see, my mom didn’t describe me by my occupation. An
occupation that she shares, an occupation that I went BACK to school for, an
occupation that I know without a shadow of a doubt that I’m meant for. But it’s
not my definition and not my “end all, be all”.
My mom didn’t describe me as staying in the Nashville
area. An area that I love, an area that is without a doubt my home and comfort,
an area that holds my heart because of it’s people, culture, and family that
obviously lives her. But it is also not my definition and not my “end all, be
all”.
You see, in that one little sentence, my mom describe my
heart. Ever since I was little I can remember being mission-minded. Now, I
wouldn’t have described myself as that when I was 7 and mesmerized by Lion King
because of the culture and the animals, but I always remember watching it and
thinking “I want to go.” I just remember having a heart for what’s beyond my
tiny world and wanting to see it. Literally wanting to see EVERYTHING. Wanting
to experience culture. Wanting to be a part of something big…something radical
:).
That mentality sadly got lost a little bit along the way.
In fact, some of you who actually care enough to read any
posts of mine, may be reading this thinking…”um, never would have pegged you as
the world-traveler type…especially not the hut-livin’, head-rag-wearin’ picture
described above”…
But I told you…that girl got a little lost along the way.
Buried underneath expectations of what I thought my life would look like at
this point and what I felt like the world expected of me. But every once in a
while, you can see her make an appearance. I know you can because when that
child-like ambition to do something “crazy and unconventional” fires up in me…I
can feel it. It’s like I’m buzzing. My heart races, my eyes well up with tears,
and I can’t wipe the stupidest looking grin off my face. My heart longs to be a
vessel.
You see, I just want to make His name great. I just want to
do Kingdom work. I want to be defined by my love, my willingness to go, and my
dedication to the Cross.
Y’all. When the Lord does true work in your life…there is no
better feeling.
It’s painful…don’t get me wrong. Scripture never promises us
that the journey is easy. He just promises that He will provide us with the
protection, tools, and refuge we need. One of my favorite quotes describing
trial pushing you towards Christ is from Charles Spurgeon: “I’ve learned to
kiss the wave that throws me against the Rock of Ages.”
I probably should have prefaced all of this by saying that I
think no less of anyone who feels like the Lord has called them to a life in
their hometown working a 9 to 5. Trust me, that is a mission field. It’s a
perfect opportunity for ministry. Incredible work can be done for the Kingdom
in our own backyards. I’m just saying that I know the Lord is calling me to
have a different backyard. He’s calling for my obedience to follow Him &
His call and it means an insane amount to know that it’s not just me who sees
that in my life…even when it got buried underneath my own agenda for so long.
Jesus is my “end all, be all.”
He is why I do what I do.
You can also count this as a public apology for where I have
failed in looking anything like the Jesus I claim. Just because my heart
belongs to Him doesn’t mean I’m not human and don’t fail. Sometimes the
language coming out of my mouth sounds no different than a drunk sailor who
just stubbed his toe. Sometimes I make really terrible choices that I don’t
care to admit. But I am always forgiven.
I don’t claim to be perfect. If you know me at all, you know
that’s not true. I just claim to know Truth and the Giver of Life &
Redemption. “…I came that they might have life AND have it more abundantly”
[John 10:10]. Not only are we promised new life in His sacrifice but He wants
us to have an abundant one. And the best part is that everyone’s “abundant
life” doesn’t look the same. So, stop comparing. Stop comparing your life to
other’s and other’s to yours.
I’m just so excited about seeing where He has me this time
next year. So much to process and pray about…and so much to be excited about.
The future is bright, y’all.
I may never end up dancing around a fire in Africa…but I
will end up trying my hardest to be the woman God has designed me to be…and trying not to get distracted along the way.
Thy will be done.
I could be safe,
I could be safe here in your arms and never leave home,
never let these walls down
but You have called me higher,
You have called me deeper,
and I'll go where you will lead me Lord.
